Thank you all for your helpful advice- I will just keep trying! Dumb question, but what is a DAP diffuser and where do I get one?

DAP is "dog appeasing pheremones" . The best pricing I've found on the products is at VetDepot.com -

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I've found it at PetSmart but it's rather pricey. In my experience VetDepot ship very quickly. In your situation the diffuser would be you best bet.

I went threw a very similar thing last year with my grey. She was an angel when i was home but a terror when i left. I can home one day to find she had chewed the molding around the bottom of my doors and cut herself breaking a window in a door. After i fixed her and my house up i cried and cried. I could not think of giving her back but i was at a loss. I spoke to the people i adopted from and they were very help full. So this is what worked for us. When im gone she is muzzeled at home to prevent her hurting herself. Dont worry they can eat and drink threw it. They can still bark and whine though. So i gave her valerian root pills they are for anxiety in people and helpped her. Make sure you are feeding her yougurt or the gas will get you. I do not walk her until I am ready to leave in the AM. I get dressed eat get my things together and then walk her. I think in her head she is glad im going so she can go out. When i come home i ignor her for about 5 min or how ever long it takes to get her calm. i just walk around saying relax in a very calm voice. once she is calm i go and sit on the floor wait till she lays and pet her. If she wont lay or is too worked up ignor and just keep saying relax and wait (its hard but worth it). Once she is clam laying say "good relax" it is important to say "good" and the behavior "relax" "stay" "come" what ever you want them to do so they know they did the right thing. After about 2 weeks of this i began. to leave at night even if for a short trip to my car but i would muzzle her and soon she began to see it was ok and i would be back. I can now leave her unmuzzeled and she is fine. I still wait till she is calm before i greet her because then she is excited about the affection not weather or not i just got home. One other thing for my dog tv and music seemed to make it worse not sure why but she likes a quiet house when we are gone. Something that might happen is them having accidents while you are gone they use it as a way to show disaproval. When you clean it up dont let them see you do it and try to ignor the behavior sometimes even if you scold them they enjoy the interaction with you so the less you make of it the less it will happen. It was a long process but its much better today. About the carpet if you take a peice to a remnant store they might be able to help you match the color and texture then you get a peice the size you need and put it in place with carpet tape (had to do this myself) and it will look a little different at first till you wear it in. Dont worry it will be greyt!