To all Pet
Owners

Just received this in an e-mail thought i would share it!



To be
posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose
height.



Dear Dogs
and Cats:



The dishes
with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.


The
stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can
run.


I cannot
buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.



For the
last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the
knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door
open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have
been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance
is not required.



The proper
order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough!


To pacify
you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:


To All
Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
Pets:



1. They
live here. You don't.

2. If you
don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'fur'nature.)

3. I like
my pets a lot better than I like most
people.

4. To you,
it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.



Remember:
In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:


1. Eat
less

2. Don't
ask for money all the time

3. Are
easier to train

4.
Normally come when called (well, OK, the cat thinks about
it)

5. Never
ask to drive the car

6. Don't
hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't
smoke or drink

8. Don't
have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't
want to wear your clothes

10. Don't
need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.

And
finally,

11. If
they get pregnant, you can sell their
children.

Now THATS funny!!